Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
