Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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