i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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