Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
