and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
