I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he shaved USA in his pubs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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