Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
