I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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