i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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