Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
