guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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