that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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