Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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