my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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