Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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