if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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