I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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