Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
