i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
