whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
