I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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