I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
