i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
