Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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