apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
