Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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