i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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