yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
