She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He shit in the fireplace
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