well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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