Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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