I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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