Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
