Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
