She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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