Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
