Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
