I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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