singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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