My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
