I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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