just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
