mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
