a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
