I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found puke in my bra..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
