I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
