his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
