She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
