the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
