I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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